Gotta Keep Smiling
by bohr-d
Summary: [companion piece to It's Not Natural... oneshot, Duo's POV] I just gotta keep smiling, that way they'll never know...


**Gotta Keep Smiling- **samuraiduck27

A/N: Okay… I know I posted something with this title before, but I realized I labeled the previous one wrong and had to go change it… (sweat drop) OKAY! This is the real "Gotta Keep Smiling", which is a companion piece to "It's Not Natural".

I'd like to thank my ONE AND ONLY REVIEWER out of 70 something people who read "It's Not Natural". (grumbles) I knew bad things would come from ff .net getting hit counters… I knew it…

**Creaturesmint-** Thanks SO much for the review! And yesh… I did leave it off for a purpose. Now you see why! (evil laugh…why am I doing an evil laugh?) ANYways, thanks so much. Hope you like this one-shot too.

DISCLAIMER: sighs I don't own Gundam Wing… but more importantly, I don't own Duo… and that's a shame. BUT! (holds up ticket-y thing) I got this ticket from Tomino-sama and Yatate-sama and it says that I'm number 135,023,657 in line to own GW… now all I gotta do is hunt down and kill the other 135,023,656 people ahead of me…

* * *

"Gotta keep smiling, Duo… just gotta keep smiling…"

That's my mantra. I've found out that if one keeps a constant smile on his face that he's less likely to be suspected to be someone with something to hide…

Which is why it works perfectly for me.

I noticed Wufei's odd look as I left the room, and something tells me he may be suspicious about me now, now that I let my guard down for so short a time. I hope he doesn't tell the others… I don't want them to start scrutinizing my every move, or noticing that my smile is so natural after all-

I don't want them knowing that the Duo Maxwell they know doesn't really exist.

I know, it probably seems silly; to say I don't exist when I'm right here- but it's true. The Duo they see is a fun-loving, chaotic, prankster, who keeps the team's morale up and manages to be the butt of many jokes, all the while laughing it off as if it means nothing. The "braided baka" as Wufei has dubbed him.

That's not me…

It isn't…

But I wish it were.

The Duo who 'may run and hide, but never tell a lie'? I've been lying for as long as I can remember. After all, is not telling the whole truth the same as lying? I think it is.

The guys know that I'm a war orphan who grew up on the L2 colony. They know I've had a rough childhood, that Professor G.'s the one who took me in. But other than that, the details are sketchy for them.

They don't know about Solo, or why I call myself Shinigami- the God of Death. I won't let them find out about Father Maxwell, or Sister Helen, or the Maxwell Church Tragedy that I happen to be the only survivor of. They'll pity me, and give me those sympathetic looks I could have used growing up, the ones that hold no use for me now.

I don't want to know what they'd think of me if I told them that the only reason I survived the Tragedy was the fact I stole a Mobile suit for the OZzies as a trade for sparing the members of the church's lives.

OZ got the better end of that bargain… I lost everyone I had cared for, and they got what they wanted in the end.

That was the day I took the name Maxwell.

That was the day I turned my back on God for good and became the Shinigami.

And even though I brag about it, with my battle cry of "The God of Death is back from Hell!" deep down I hate being Shinigami. I'm not proud of it at all, as it reminds me of what I've lived through, and what I must keep from everyone else.

That's why I smile. That's why I pretend to be an open book- someone that has nothing to hide, and someone withtrust that is easy as hell to gain.

And it's worked, up until now. I know Wufei's seen it… seen who I am… he saw me being quiet, calm, and still, and I swore I heard him mutter how unnatural it is. I don't think I convinced him at all, when I told him I was going to cause more chaos.

Speaking of that, where'd I put my hair dye bottles anyways?

I hope he'll just take it as an off day; everyone has them once in a while. I hope that I can get him riled up enough to forget what he saw; and also that I can run faster than last time I played a prank on good old 'Fei.

…But… is it really worth it? Is all this deception and false appearances worth keeping my past to myself? Or would it be better if I just got it all out into the open?

They'd never think the same way about Duo Maxwell, that's for sure.

Would they pity me? Or would they accept it and say a few kind words and be done with it? Would anger for hiding my past all this time, after they've had theirs out into the open, be the response?

Would I finally be able to show my true self and stop this charade?

It's hard to say, but until then, until I have nowhere to run, and nothing to say to get myself out of things; until I'm caught in my own trap-

I just gotta keep smiling…

* * *

A/N: …(blinks and re-reads it) Okay, you let your fingers do the thinking and this is what you get. (shrugs) Not bad, if don't say so myself.

PLEASE REVIEW!

Ja mata-  
samuraiduck27


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